Then comes the realisation……

I am at the point now where i know i cannot manage this on my own. I need help and a rest from this constant battle. I am proud of myself for coming to this realisation, before things get worse. I have always hated the thought of being defined by a label, but now i think i just want and desperately need a clear diagnosis to help me understand me a little bit more. I was given the diagnosis of Cyclothymia, and then had that “upgraded” to Bipolar 2, but i didn’t ever feel comfortable with that. I accepted it at the time, took the medications they prescribed until i decided i didn’t need them, then realised i did, tried something different and then just gave up on the idea and thought i can do this myself. I took on the mind over matter approach and became so self aware, worked really hard on routines and structures and positive thinking and for 5 years it kind of worked. For whatever reason the past 18 months have just been an almighty battle. During the last 4-5 months i have just felt like i cannot do this any more and that i want out. The fluctuations in my mood are flip flopping so quickly. I feel so fragile and vulnerable because i don’t know what is happening to me.

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