My Poem

The darkest of depression a familiar place

Where tears run down this empty face

A troubled mind, a broken heart

I didn’t know how to fix it, or where to start.

I drew that blade across me, hoping to see,

The blood trickle out, life escaping me

I didn’t feel scared, I didn’t cry

I thought it was time to say my goodbye

It’s only now that it feels so real

All these emotions, I’m starting to feel

I really need help, can anyone see

I don’t want this to define me

13 years ago I wrote this after I ended up in hospital after trying to take my own life. I was living a life that made no sense, it felt like it had no purpose and no meaning. I stopped caring and lost all sense of reality and consequences. The doctor on shift that night was not overly sympathetic but she said something to me that I clung on to. She said to me, “Don’t make a permanent decision based on temporary emotions”.

In the inside of my phone case on a small scrap piece of paper I have the words of that doctor written down, and if anyone ever reads this, please remember that sentence.

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