The darkest of depression a familiar place
Where tears run down this empty face
A troubled mind, a broken heart
I didn’t know how to fix it, or where to start.
I drew that blade across me, hoping to see,
The blood trickle out, life escaping me
I didn’t feel scared, I didn’t cry
I thought it was time to say my goodbye
It’s only now that it feels so real
All these emotions, I’m starting to feel
I really need help, can anyone see
I don’t want this to define me
13 years ago I wrote this after I ended up in hospital after trying to take my own life. I was living a life that made no sense, it felt like it had no purpose and no meaning. I stopped caring and lost all sense of reality and consequences. The doctor on shift that night was not overly sympathetic but she said something to me that I clung on to. She said to me, “Don’t make a permanent decision based on temporary emotions”.
In the inside of my phone case on a small scrap piece of paper I have the words of that doctor written down, and if anyone ever reads this, please remember that sentence.